I once heard someone say the only thing that matters is making 2 people proud, your younger self and your older self. I hate that statement cause everyday I think of it I know she wouldn't approve. When I was younger I held my future self to such a high standard, a life I thought I had to have for people to be proud of me. It didn't matter to her if she was proud of herself cause her life revolved around everyone else's opinion. When I was young I thought to be happy was to have the best grades, to be popular and to have a boyfriend. This year after my 17th birthday will be my final day of school ever, as of this year I drop out. This year I started a new school hoping I could find something there although I hated it when I popular, when I was a loner I still kinda hoped for something more. Unsurprisingly I didn't find a sudden meaning for me to stay in school. I know its not the best decision but when I wasn't in school for 6 few weeks I felt at peace and then I saw this side of the world I so desperately desire for. I know what I want and now I'll do what it takes to get to that point. But of course younger me wouldn't approve she thinks friends and school define you and matter the most. But I have 1 true friend that isn't just someone I talk to in class or someone who is a family friend. Zane is my best friend and out of any friendship I have in high school he's the one person whose friendship I want to stick around. School doesn't teach me what I want or need to know for my future. See younger me would want more from me, she would be wondering what will people think? I don't want to make her proud because she her perspectives on the world are so vastly different to my present. Rather than make someone else proud, or a past or future version I don't know why we don't try make present self proud. Live for ourselves rather than how we are told to live.
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